


Babalik Ako, at Babaguhin Ko Ang Takbo

by jiseullgi



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, f-f-fluff, medyo(????) angst, re-imagined clein
Language: Filipino
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:01:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28480575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiseullgi/pseuds/jiseullgi
Summary: paano kung nabigyan ka ng sarili mong aklat at panulat, isusulat mo ba ang istoryang pinagkait sayo?
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Kim Jisoo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	1. babalik.

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: maraming pagbabago. :)
> 
> happy new year!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> at kahit makailang ulit  
> hindi man matapos ang sakit  
> mainam ko na titiyakin  
> na susunod ikaw pa rin

_ Hinila niya patayo ang kanina pa tumutugtog sa piano. “Halika na de Ayre, kahapon pa ako excited na ikasal yang si Audrey.” _

_ Lumambot ang kamay niyang hawak-hawak nito, ngunit hindi siya tumayo. Yumuko siya at napangiti, pinagsiklop niya ang kamay nila at tumingin sa kanya. _

_ “Sa tingin mo, if things were different, tayo ang magkakatuluyan?” _

_ Humigpit ang hawak niya dito, “I hope so.” _

  
  


Nagising siya nang maramdaman niyang parang bumagsak siya sa pagkalaglag. Kinusot niya ang mata niya at napansing basa ito, maski ang kanyang pisngi.

_ Did I cry? That's weird. _

Nagkibit balikat na lamang siya, at niyakap ang unan sa tabi niya. She doesn't remember what she dreamt of, but judging on how she woke up, it sure does hurt.

  
  


Maghapon siyang binagabag ng panaginip niya. She wasn't able to concentrate on her classes because of that, at dahil na rin kasi hindi pumasok si Claire. The latter didn't inform her of her absence, but she already knew why.

It’s been a year since they broke up.

Suminghap siya and mindlessly played the piano. Gwein is one of those people who are gifted when it comes to music. Kung yung iba ay methodological sa paggawa ng kanta, siya kusa na lang naliligaw ang kamay niya sa mga keys.

She sighed once again when the chords she played is that one song Claire taught her. Lagi na lang ‘yun ang tinutugtog niya every time she thinks of Claire.

But her version is far far different from the original. Malungkot, masakit, walang bakas ng ligaya.

Claire’s way past her lifeless phase, but it’s still there. Kaya mas doble ang balik sa kanya tuwing nakikita niya ito noon na pinipilit na pumasok even if she’s that miserable. She broke-up with Arki on Christmas day pagkadating nito sa ospital; the day that Hyayi almost died, which they called a Christmas miracle, but they all knew that Hyayi really didn’t want to leave Eirel.

Claire got tired sa paulit-ulit na sakit na ibinibigay nila towards each other. Gwein witnessed their endless fights these past few months, nasali pa nga siya. So she understands if the girl wants space, a time alone, a break from everything that reminds her of her former lover.

So she doesn’t get why she hears her voice at the back of her habang nasa kaligatnaan siya ng pagtugtog.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

_ Am I still dreaming? Why does it feel like deja vu? _

Tinapik siya nito sa balikat at naupo sa tabi niya. Naramdaman niya rin itong sumandal sa balikat niya. She doesn’t feel any heaviness from her, parang ang gaan gaan niya.

She stops and looks at her. Nakapulang flannel lang ito, which she guesses is Arki’s, at itim na sweatpants. Mukhang nagpunta lang siya dito sa music room, at hindi para pumasok sa mga klase niya.

_ If she wants space, why is she occupying mine? _

“Why are you here?”

“Bawal ba?”

“No, nagtatanong lang.” Iniayos niya ang pagkakadantay nito sa balikat niya. Hindi naman sila nagkakalayo ng height, pero ibinaba niya kaunti ang balikat niya para hindi mahirapan si Claire.

“Hinulaan ko lang na andito ka, I needed your piano pieces. It calms me down.” Palihim siyang ngumiti pero nawala rin ito sa sunod niyang sinabi. “Para siyang comfort of a friend.”

Friend.

It’s only one word, but it’s enough to make Gwein collapse internally. Naririnig niya na ang pag-crack ng kanyang fragile heart, at ang tiny voice inside of her na nagpupumiglas nang ilabas ang nararamdaman niyang ilang taon nang nakatago.

But she knows it’s not right. She knows she’ll only make things worse, and cause Claire to hurt more. Ang tanga niya para isipin pa si Claire kaysa ang sarili niya, pero doble nga kasi ang balik nito.

“I’m sorry if I can’t do anything to make it less masakit.”

Inialis na ni Claire ang ulo niyang nakasandal sa balikat ni Gwein. She sadly looked at her, “Why are you apologizing for something you shouldn’t be burdened with?”

“I just feel like I need to.”

Claire laughed, it was soundly but it wasn’t the laugh Gwein fell in love with. Pinitik siya nito sa noo at muling bumalik sa pagkakasandal. “Ikaw nagsosorry ka kahit ‘di naman kailangan, yung kaibigan mo kailangan pero hindi manlang kaya lumunok ng pride.”

“I’m sorry.”

Hinampas siya nito sa binti and slightly jabbed her arm. “Kulit mo ah!”

  
  
  
  
  


They ended up eating at Mcdo dahil isa namang malaking sampal para kay Claire kung aayain niya ito magkarinderya.

Hindi rin naman niya kayang kumain dun with her, cause it felt like she was trespassing. Karinds was their constant, it was where they built their story, and it was a reminder for Gwein na she was already too late to be with the person in front of her.

Pinapanood niya si Claire habang mindlessly nitong dinidip ang fries niya sa caramel sundae niya. Akmang isusubo niya na sana nang matabig niya ito.

Mas mabilis pa sa kidlat na napatayo si Gwein to prevent the incident happening. Nahawakan niya ang sundae just in time na tatapon ito sa damit ni Claire. Inilagay niya ito sa mesa at kumuha ng tissue para punasan ang kakaunting ice cream na tumulo sa shirt nito.

“Are you okay?” She asks while wiping. Nakatulala lang si Claire sa kanya, hawak-hawak pa rin ang dalawang piraso ng fries.

Nilingon siya ni Gwein nang hindi siya sumagot, the ice cream from the fries started dripping from her fingers. “Tsk.” Kinuha niya ang kamay nito, na ikinagulat lalo ni Claire. Inilabas niya ang alcohol na nakalagay sa pitaka niya at inisprayan ito pagkatapos punasan. “Masama kaya ang mag-play ng food. It’s disrespectful.”

“Ah an-“

“Wala na ba?” She quickly scans her, may natira pang crumbs ng nuggets sa pisngi nito. So Gwein wipes it using her thumb, just like how every jowable person does.

“G-G-Gw-Gwein.” Mautal-utal niyang sabi. “Bakit ‘di mo na lang ako inabutan ng tissue?”

Kumurap-kurap siya. Oo nga naman, bakit hindi niya na lang inabutan ng tissue? Bakit kailangan niya pang pahirapan ang sarili niya na abutin ito para lang punasan siya?

_ Because I love you. I want you to feel my love everyday, kahit hindi mo ibalik. It’s okay, Claire. Just let me love you, while you love her. _

She shrugs. “Katamad eh.”

  
  
  
  
  


They both met at the piano room again, but this time Claire’s the one playing the piano. Sumikip ang dibdib niya nang marinig niya itong tumutugtog ng malungkot na ballad song. Claire never plays a sad song, even when Arki and her broke up.

So seeing her dive into the song makes her want to ruin her best friend’s life for hurting the girl she loves.

But she can’t. Wala siya sa lugar para gawin ‘yun.

“Are you okay?” She asks while she walks towards the brown grand piano.

Claire stops and looks at her, “Oo naman. Why?”

“Wala lang, you just never played a sad song. Like ever.”

“Luh baka lang ‘di mo narinig?”

“You miss her ‘no?”

“Hindi talaga ako makakatakas sayo, ‘no?”

Gwein laughed and tumabi sa kanya, she placed her hands on top of the keys. Lumingon siya sa kanya. “Hindi na kita hahayaang tumakas.”

Claire rolled her eyes and continued playing. “Yes, I miss her.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“It does.”

Of course it does. Sobrang bulag na lang niya kung aakalain niyang okay na si Claire, na wala na ang sakit na nararamdaman nito, na hindi na siya iiyak uli.

Na hindi na niya mahal si Arki.

”You can always try again.”

_ Try again with me. Be with me. Ako na lang uli, Claire. I can make you happy. _

”Maybe hindi pa ngayon.”

She shut down her thoughts when an answer came out from Claire. But she mustered a smile and held Claire’s hand. “I’ll be here lang pala.”

”I’m not forcing you to.”

”I know.” She says. “I just feel like I need to.”


	2. mabagal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baka bukas  
> pwede na

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #WorldStarJISOODay  
> #우리의_월드스타_지수_데이  
> #올해의_시작은_지수와함께

Nakahalumbaba siya habang kagat kagat ang hinliliit niya. Katatapos niya lang linisin ang tutugtugin niya sa nalalapit nilang recital, hindi niya napansin na nag-text pala si Claire sa kanya an hour ago. Mabuti na lang hindi, kasi baka hindi siya nakatapos ng dalawang movements sa recital piece niya.

**Clang:** **_skl na matutulog na ako ayaw ko na magpractice_ **

**** **_good night :)_ **

Claire just greeted her before sleeping pero gusto na niyang bumalikwas at magpagulong-gulong sa sahig. Lintek, she really is that in love with her. Kung dati nagagawa pa niyang pigilan ito by pinching her arm, pero ngayon halos mamula-mula na siya sa kilig.

Gwein looked at her message again. She held it tight and smiled widely as she heard Claire’s voice at the back of her head wishing her a good night with smiley.

She feels great and free. It’s been a long time since she last felt the silliness of being in love. The giddiness that lingers as you think of how that person gives butterflies in your stomach.

It feels good, pero ang tindi nung sapak na bumalik after that. Because after the euphoria, came the thought of her best friend miles and miles away from them.

Gwein was welcomed by her guilt, and suddenly she doesn’t want to feel that butterflies again.

  
  
  
  
  


Humalukipkip si Gail nang makita niya kung sino ang kanina pa katok ng katok sa pinto.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito, Gwein de Ayre?”

Iniangat niya ang bitbit niyang paper bag, “Nag-dinner ka na?”

“Exes don’t eat dinner.”

Gwein pouted. Hindi naman sila technically mag-ex because they only went out 7 times, that’s what she thinks. They were never officially together. I mean how can they be kung pagkagising pa lang ni Gwein, si Claire na ang nasa isip niya.

And Gail isn’t dumb not to know that.

“Exes can be friends.”

“Who says so?” Sumandal siya sa pintuan at tinaasan ito ng kilay. “If Arkiel and Claire would be friends, what would you feel?”

Tumikhim siya at ibinaba na ang hawak niya. “Mad ka pa rin ba na I ended things out of nowhere?” Napayuko siya, guilty naman siya sa ginawa niyang ‘yun. Lalo na sa rason niya.

“I’m not mad. I’m just not ready to hear about unrequited feelings.”

Nanatili siyang nakayuko habang mahigpit na hawak ang paper bag na may laman na big mac. Hindi naman halatang favorite niya talaga ang Mcdo.

“Talk to a friend, Gwein.”

“They’ll pick Arki.”

“A friend, hindi ko naman sinabing lahat sila.”

Gwein looked at Gail and puffed her cheeks. “Ayaw mo talaga? I’m not madaldal naman.”

“Go home.”

  
  
  
  
  


“So, yun.” Matamlay niyang kwento while trying to strum her guitar. “Do you think I should stop?”

Seryosong nakikinig ang kausap niya habang ngumunguya ng burger. Magkasalubong ang kilay nito kaya hindi niya mawari kung anong say niya sa situation ni Gwein.

“Anong ititgil mo?”

“My feelings.”

Kumusot ang noo niya. Inilapag na niya ang burger at tuluyan nang humarap dito. Pinagkrus niya ang binti niya, “Bakit mo ititigil?”

“Kasi nga she loves Arki.” Pag-e-explain niya. “Auds naman.”

“Ano naman kung mahal niya si Arki?”

Gwein bit her lip. It meant a lot for her especially if i-co-consider yung nangyari sa kanilang tatlo nila Cel noon. She still carries the weight of the events that happened years ago.

“I think what you need to do is to stop punishing yourself for past mistakes that were clearly out of your control. You all shared your faults. Arki was an asshole for pinning everything to both Cel and you, Cel was too blinded for love, and you..” Nagtinginan silang dalawa. “...you were and still are being too kind.”

Gwein took a deep breath at sumandal sa may staircase.

“One of the reasons why you didn’t pursue Claire back then,” Pahabol na sabi ni Audrey, “was because you thought you were indebted to Arki, considering what happened. Am I right?”

She nodded. There’s no point denying. Yes, she was scared of falling in love again, but she was also scared that love will again put her and Arki’s friendship in jeopardy.

She’d rather lose the one she can spend the rest of her life with than the person who was there since day one.

“Pick yourself, Gwein.” Tumingin siya kay Audrey, who’s enjoying her burger again. “Worse case scenario, sasapakin ka ni Arki. But kung ako ‘yun I can live with that. Kaysa naman panoorin kong mawala uli yung taong mahal ko.”

“Thanks, Auds.”

“Wala ‘yon basta pag nagkatuluyan kayo, tumugtog kayo sa kasal ko.”

Napahigpit ang hawak niya sa gitara nang bumilis ang tibok ng puso niya. It’s the same rhythm when she had  _ that  _ dream, which she still doesn't remember, 2 weeks ago. Hindi naman na ito nasundan uli, but episodes like this happens every time they’re playing tila tala sa may music room.

“Oh bakit natunganga ka diyan?”

Ibinalik niya ang tingin niya kay Audrey at umiling, “I just had a strong feeling you’d really get married.”

Audrey snickered. “I was kidding.” Tumayo na siya at sinimulan nang ligpitin ang pinagkainan niya. “I can’t even commit to someone, what more being married.”

_ I still have a feeling you will. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Speaking of being married, no one knew in their circle na may kasal na pala sa kanila. Nagulat na lang sila na the six of them would gather today to celebrate Eirel and Hyayi’s 2nd wedding anniversary.

Gwein’s not surprised, unang tingin mo palang sa dalawa aakalain mo nang mag-asawa sila. They just made it official.

Nauna siyang dumating kaysa sa mga kaibigan niya and Claire. After the talk with Auds, she tried interacting less with her, para pag-isipan mabuti kung paano niya ba haharapin ang nararamdaman niya at kung paano niya ito sasabihin sa kanya.

“Ang aga mo ah.” Hyayi, as always, greeted her with glee and a beaming smile. She always shined brighter than the sun, kahit noong may sakit ito. She was remissioned 6 months after she almost died.

“Hindi ako early, late lang talaga sila.”

They both laughed. Hyayi sat beside her and looked at her as if she knew what’s on Gwein’s mind.

“How are you feeling, Ayi?”

Hyayi smirked and tapped her shoulder, “You really have a knack of thinking of others first, ‘no?” Pinagpag niya ang sleeve nito at inayos ang pagkakatupi. “I’m fine as always, ikaw? How are you?”

Madiin ngunit hindi marahas ang pagkaka-emphasize niya sa ‘you’.

“I’m f-“

“That’s not the answer I was looking for.”

Umiwas ng tingin si Gwein at uminom ng tubig. She knew she was being obvious, but she didn’t know she was that obvious.

“Still not done with my deduction.”

“Regarding how you should address it?”

“No. On how I should act upon it.”

Ngumiti si Hyayi at pinanood na naglalakad palapit sa table nila si Claire. Sumilip siya kay Gwein at nakatulala pa rin ito habang pinupunasan ang pawis ng baso niya. “Ang bilis ng progress mo ah.”

“If I bury this longer, I might lose her again. And I’d do everything I can to not let that happen.”

“Sino?”

She froze when she heard her voice. Tuliro siyang lumingon dito, and she was shocked to see that hyayi was already on the other side of the table. All that’s left in front of her ay ang nakapamewang na Claire wearing a sleeveless yellow dress.

Naupo siya sa tabi niya at siniko siya nito. “Sino ba ‘yun? Si Gail? Magbabalikan na kayo?”

Mabilis na umiling si Gwein at umayos ng upo. “No, not Gail. I’m not talking about her. We’re not together back then.” Tarantang pagdedepensa niya.

“Chill ka lang.” Claire laughed at hinagod ang braso niya, causing Gwein para mabato lalo sa kinauupuan niya. “Sino ba yan? Siguraduhin niyang mahal ka rin niya kundi sasapakin ko siya.”

Nagkatinginan si Hyayi at Gwein, tumaas ang kilay ni Hyayi at umubo. “Sure ka sasapakin mo?”

“Oo! Aba hindi kaya niya deserve ng unrequited love.”  _ Ouch.  _ “Kaya iharap mo sa akin ‘yan de Ayre. Kikilatisin ko siya.”

_ Hindi na kailangan. _

“I wouldn’t say that if I were you.” Sagot ni Gwein.

“Bakit?”  _ Kasi ikaw ‘yun.  _ “You’re willing to do everything for her, and she’s not willing to give you a chance, I’ll make sure she’ll regret it.”

“Why?” Napalunok si Gwein sa tanong niya. She doesn’t know what got into her.

“Because you deserve a chance.”

Gwein stared deeply at Claire’s eyes. May hinahanap siya rito. Sincerity? Hope? Or that chance she’s talking about?

“She’s a great person, Claire.” Nakita niya sa may peripheral vision niyang dumating na si Eirel at Audrey. She went on with what she wanted to say. Besides, alam naman na ni Auds and she doesn’t mind Eirel knowing as well. “She always knows what she has to do, she loves unconditionally without reservations, and hindi niya nakakalimutan iparamdam ang pagmamahal niya, kahit na it’s not the same love they’re craving from her.”

“Sabi ko na nga ba, mahal mo na siya.” Ngising singit ni Eirel.

“Tagal na actually.”

“Andaya naman! Bakit sila kilala nila!” Niyugyog siya ni Claire, tumawa lang siya at hindi pinansin ang paulit-ulit niyang tanong kung sino nga ba ang ~ _ mystery girl _ ~ ni Gwein.

  
  
  


Hindi pa rin siya tinigilan kahit nang makarating si Andy at Gab, na nakisali rin sa pangungulit. Pero nang kinindatan siya ni Andy in the middle of eating lunch, she was relieved that Andy got the message.

Humabol din si Ligaya na ikinagulat ni Auds. Gwein observed Auds’ silence while Gaya was explaining kung gaano ka-traffic papunta sa restaurant. She sat in between Claire and Gab dahil occupied na ang spaces sa tabi ni Auds.

  
  
  
  
  


Sabay silang naglakad ni Claire papuntang parking lot. Sumabay si Claire sa kanya, well, she insisted na sumabay na ito dahil nag-commute siya papunta.

Nakasimangot si Claire hanggang sa pagpasok ng kotse. Gwein thinks she’s still curious about sa pinag-usapan nila kanina.

_ Why is she so intrigued??? _

“Bakit gusto mong malaman kung sino yung mahal ko?”

Nakasimangot siyang nilingon nito, “Kasi! Syempre makakasama mo ‘yun habang buhay!”

Gwein chuckled and checked if it's good to go bago buksan ang makina ng kotse niya. Nakita niyang hindi pa naka-seat belt si Claire, kaya she leaned towards her para hilain ang seat belt. Their distance drew closer, na hindi napansin ni Gwein because she was busy making sure Claire’s seatbelt was intact.

She looked at the now flushed girl at the shotgun seat. “I’m not even sure if she loves me, Claire.”

“Who wouldn’t love you?”

“Ikaw.” Gwein blurted out. Napahawak siya ng mahigpit sa shift gear at napakurap.

“Excuse me, minahal kita ‘no. Hindi pa ba obvious sa limang taon na ginugol ko sayo?”

_ Minahal. _

“That’s different.” Gwein tried to laugh it off. “You love me as the lead guitarist of The Radicals.”

Seryosong tumingin si Claire sa kanya. “No, I really did.” She says with all the sincerity she can muster. “I loved you.”

“And I love you, Claire.” Gwein sadly smiled. Hindi na niya inantay ang sagot ni Claire, pinaandar na niya ang kanyang puting Mercedes-Benz.

  
  
  
  


Hingal na hingal siyang tumakbo papunta sa dati niyang department nung Chem Eng pa ang program na kinukuha niya. She received a text from Andy, na sinimulan nang gibain ang lumang building na ginagamit for research at bahay ng mga scholars dahil wala nang budget ang University to renovate it.

Gwein was one of the students who organized and participated ng mga strikes para tutulan ang paggiba nito. They were enraged when they learned na gagawin itong pangatlong gym ng University.

They thought the project was cancelled, but it turns out that the admin just went silent about it.

Nanlumo siya nang halos wala na siyang naabutan. The building was already crushed to pieces.

She was too late, again.

Meron siyang final exam ngayon sa kanyang major, but she thinks hindi niya kakayanin mag-isip pa ng ibang bagay ngayon.

“Gwein.”

Nilingon niya si Andy na mukhang kanina pa andito, inaantay siya.

“Dude, what happened? Bakit now mo lang sinabi?”

“I didn’t know.” She says. “May notice sa office earlier about construction, but I didn’t know ito ‘yun.”

Gwein saw the people flocking near the building, majority were scholars that she knew, Gail was also there. Hindi niya alam ang dapat niyang maramdaman as of now, she’s too stunned to even react.

She felt someone intertwine her hand. It was soft. Their thumb rubbed the back of hers.

Kahit na hindi niya ito tignan, she knew who it was. It was Claire.

Nalimutan niyang magkasama pala sila nang bigla siyang tumakbo rito. Ni hindi manlang pala siya nakapagpaalam rito.

“Why are you here? I thought may class ka?” She asks.

“Hindi naman masama mag-cut paminsan minsan.”

They were silent after that. Mainly because Gwein hasn’t absorbed what happened. And dahil na rin, after she babbled about her feelings, they haven’t really talked about it.

“Hindi ko kaya  _ manahimik _ , Claire.” She says, hinigpitan niya hawak sa kamay nito. Tumingin siya sa mataas na gusaling kasalukuyang ginigiba. “Katahimikan ang papatay sa kalayaang niyayakap natin ngayon.  _ Ito ang papatay sa kinabukasan natin.” _

_ “ _ Then _ fight. _ ” Sumandal siya sa balikat ni Gwein at patagilid na yumakap dito, “Andito lang naman ako tabi mo, sa kahit anong laban.”

Napayuko siya at tinignan ang magkasiklop nilang kamay. “I’m not forcing you to reciprocate what I feel.” She says. “I just..don’t know if I can still hide it anymore.”

Nakatingin lang si Claire sa kanya.

“I don’t…” Gwein bit her lip. “..want to be your rebound.”

Claire’s eyes panicked. Hindi niya pa rin binibitawan ang kamay nilang magkahawak. “Huy! I’m not- You’re- I’m not gonna do that.”

“I’m fragile, Claire. So, please don’t.”

“Pwede bang dahan-dahan?” Claire asks. “Hindi ko pa rin kasi alam isasagot ko.”

“I can go slow, Claire.” She placed their hands on her chest. “kasi I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update kaya see you later i guess???
> 
> PS: the reason why gwein was overjoyed sa “good night” ni claire can be found in the movie: your name engraved herein :)


	3. tatahakin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basta’t ikaw ang kasama,  
> lahat kaya ko itama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first half ng 3/3 :)

Valentine's day, before the boxes of chocolates and I love yous, was celebrated by sacrificing goats and dogs. And smear their blood to the women in the streets for it was believed that they would become more fertile. Gwein learned that at an early age, kaya hindi niya maintindihan ang significance ng pagbibigay ng bulaklak sa araw na ‘to.

“Bulaklak lang ‘yan, Gwein.” Kinusot ni Auds ang mata niya. Ang agang kumatok ni Gwein sa unit niya dala-dala ang sunflower na ibibigay niya kay Claire.

“We agreed to take it slow.” She grunts. “You know what, sayo na lang. Hindi ko na lang ibibigay.”

“Gago kanino ko naman ibibigay yan?”

“I know wala nang ibang pumasok sa isip mo kundi si Gaya.”

“Tangina papunta na nga dito eh.”

“Can I stay here?”

“Sure. Siya na bahala tumalak sayo.”

Gwein chuckled. She stared at the bouquet of sunflowers lying on top of the table. May maliit itong card na may nakasulat na greeting, na syempre sarili niyang handwriting.

Hindi niya raw alam ang significance, pero nakailang ulit siya sa pagsulat, 30 minutes din siyang namili kung anong bulaklak ang bibilhin niya, at dala-dala niya ang kanyang chanel perfume, just in case tumuloy siya.

  
  


Gwein didn't expect she’d witness Gaya and Auds to make it official in front of her. Napaawang ang bibig niya nang bigla na lang pagdating ni Gaya sa kitchen, sila na.

“Right in front of my salad!?”

Gaya back hugged Audrey habang naghuhugas ito ng pinagkainan nila. She kissed the top of her shoulder, which made Gwein gasp, “Oh my god! Respeto naman sa single!”

The couple chuckled and minded their own business. Umiling si Gwein, when will she experience the kind of love that fits? She’ll never know. Sure, loving Claire is like placing the last puzzle piece, but she’s not sure if it’s the right one. If she herself is the right one for her.

If being hopelessly in love by Claire is one thing she can’t help but do, overthinking about the girl’s reciprocated feelings is another. Claire didn’t really say the exact three words, it was just established that the two of them will take it  _ slow. _

But how slow? What are the boundaries that Gwein needs to carefully watch?

Kasama ba doon ang feelings ni Claire kay Arki na hindi niya alam kung gaano kataas pa ang pag-aalab?

Her train of thoughts were halted when her phone beeped on the table.

**clang:** **_gusto ko yang date :)_ **

**** **_SINAVE MO AKO SA DALAWANG MAG-ASAWA NA TO_ **

“Hay nako, just ask her out officially hindi yang ginagawa mong excuse ang 14.” Joy comments while setting the table. “Dito ka ba kakain?”

Umiling siya at tumayo na, “No, may date ako.”

Audrey quickly turned her head, “Don’t make it a friendly one ako na nagsasabi sayo ‘yang slow mo baka maglaho pa.”

“Oo na.” She waves goodbye at tinapik si Audrey. Gwein leaned in konti para bumulong. “See you at your wedding.”

  
  
  
  


_ “Where’s Claire?” Hingal na tanong ni Gwein. She spent the last 45 minutes circling the venue, looking for the girl. _

_ “Gwein, why did you lie?” _

_ She fixed her gaze at her friend while catching her breath. “What?” _

_ “Why did you lie na may iba ka na?” _

  
  
  


Gwein woke up finding herself inside a black Vios, na kasalukuyang nakikipagsiksikan sa traffic. She checked her phone and saw that she fell asleep for 20 minutes.

She was once again entrapped in a dream that felt like a reality that she thinks she lived in, but isn’t quite sure.

To get the thought out of her mind, tinext niya si Claire informing her that she’s stuck in traffic pero malapit na. Sinagot siya nito by sending her a picture of their two friends cuddling on their sofa at sinunandan ng  _ mamamatay na ako sa inggit. _

  
  
  


Hindi malayo ang restaurant na tinawagan ni Gwein kaninang madaling araw para magpa-reserve, walking distance lang ito sa unit nila Eirel.

She doesn’t know why, but bigla siyang nanlamig sa kinatatayuan niya while waiting for Claire sa may lobby ng Condo. Hawak-hawak niya ang tatlong piraso ng long-stemmed daisies na tinalian lang ng paper twine.

Gwein tapped her left feet to release the nervousness she’s feeling. Araw-araw niya kasamang kumain si Claire, ang pinagkaiba lang ay may bitbit siyang bulaklak, at ngayon ay araw ng mga puso.

_ Lintek na February 14 ‘to. _

“Huy!”

Gwein lifted her head and saw Claire waving at her. She couldn’t help but widely smile, pinanood niya itong maglakad papalapit sa kanya.

Claire slowly moved her head para silipin ang itinatago nito sa likuran niya. “Ano yan?” She cheerfully asks.

“A tradition.” She says and slowly revealed the flowers na kaninang tanghali niya pa hawak. “Happy Valentine’s day, Claire.”

Yumuko si Claire para itago ang pagpula ng pisngi niya. She smelled the flowers bilang palusot. “And daisies symbolizes what?”

“Hmm?”

They started walking palabas ng building. “Pwede namang roses binili mo, if you’re doing it for the sake of being romantic.” She shrugs. “Pero kilala kita mula nguso hanggang busangot, careful ka sa details.”

Gwein, for the hundredth time, smiles dearly. “New beginnings.”

  
  
  
  


“Nakakainis ka, nagpareserve ka pa pala ng upuan.” Claire playfully glares at her. “Binabawi ko na yung sinabi ko, you’re being romantic na. Grabe, new side of Gwein de Ayre.”

“Hindi ba ako romantic noon pa?”

“Naturally caring ka kaya, lalo na sa akin.”

Humalumbaba siya at tumingin dito. “And that is because?”

Kinunutan siya nito ng noo and smirked. “Bakit nga ba?” Sumubo siya ng pasta and battled with Gwein’s eyes.

“You know the answer.”

“Kasi you like me?” Mayabang na pagtatanong niya. Hindi nila inalis ang tingin nila sa isa’t-isa.

The waiter got weirded out habang nilalapag ang main course sa lamesa nila. Hindi na nito mawari kung pang-ilang customer na ang nakasalamuha niyang ganto this day. Kaya he just left after informing them, na mukhang di nila narinig.

“Yes, I do.” Gwein finally says. “I think too much, what am I gonna do with that?”

“Why don’t we both figure it out along the way?” Claire smiles.

“But it’s scary.” She admits. “Wherever we’re going, natatakot ako na baka we aren’t on the same page. That maybe, maybe you’re just here para ibuhos yung pagmamahal mo kay Arki.”

“Is that what you really feel?” Claire softly asks.

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

Inaabot ni Claire ang kamay niya and gently squeezed it. “Do you wanna know bakit gusto ko to take things slowly?”

“Why?”  _ Dahil kay Arki? _

“Ayaw kita na gumising araw-araw, living with the fear of you losing me because of Arki.” Claire says. “Ayoko na magpapadalos-dalos tayo and end up hurting each other. Gwein I like you, gago mahal na nga kita eh, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re just a rebound.”

Claire’s words were sincere. Pinagsiklop niya ang mga kamay nila and rubbed Claire’s palm using her thumb. “I’m sorry you have to deal with my insecurity.”

“Basic lang, maliit na bagay. No sweat.” She shrugs, which made Gwein laugh. “I’ll be honest at all times.”

“Tama na, kanina ka pa nagpapakilig diyan. Malapit na akong mahimatay.”

Claire snickers and held her hand tighter, “Buti naman gumagana, akala ko kinakalawang na ako.”

“Ewan ko sayo, pasalamat ka cute ka.”

  
  
  
  


Gwein scooted beside Claire after setting-up the projector. For the 2nd part of their date, which thank god didn’t turn into a friendly one, Claire suggested binge watching Friends instead of driving an hour para pumunta sa parking lot theater.

Claire lays on Gwein’s lap, and the latter welcomes her presence.

Currently playing ang 24th episode of season 6, or the first part of Chandler’s proposal.

She always wanted  _ that kind  _ of relationship _.  _ One that is crafted by the universe, and hand-picked by the stars.

Gwein knows Claire is the one picked for her, but she isn’t sure if it’s the same.

“I’m sorry if I can’t fill whatever Arki left inside your heart.” Sabi niya habang sinusuklay ang buhok ni Claire.

Claire looked at her, pouting. “I didn’t ask you to?”

“I just feel like I need to.”

“What’s left to fill?” Kinuha niya ang kamay na ni Gwein na nakahalukipkip at inilapat ang kamay niya sa ibabaw nito. “When you already occupied all the spaces.” Pinagsiklop niya ang kamay nila at hinila niya si Gwein para yakapin.

“I love you, even though it’s terrifying.”

Claire kisses her nose. “and I’ll love you through the joys and circumstances.”


End file.
